PADPAL Ride 29th Aug 2024

 This was Not the Gloucester Ride, for the pussies that couldn’t put up with a strange night away with “gentlemen” at Gloucester.

 

We gathered, six of us, at Berowra, as scheduled. I asked Andy, who I was sure would be ride leader, if we could please go via Wollombi because it was in my interest. I was immediately catapulted into the job of ride leader, to the concern of everyone else other than Andy. Paul Margereson demanded, out of the blue, for me to describe the sea level rise in Sydney Harbour. I didn’t know. I didn’t have my trusty Dogge’s “Guide to Sea Level Rises” (Penguin, 2023) with me, although I suggested at Nuku’alofa the rise was 1.76cm and that was enough to worry us. Shortly after, Paul was washed off the Old Pacific Highway by an errant tidal wave, which goes to show….

 

Off we dawdled, down the Old Highway, me in the lead, the five tail-end Charlies close behind. We assiduously obeyed the speed limits, but for another road. The weather was magnificent, and the clear sunlight gave a certainty to cornering. The odd piece of tree, blown on the road from the day before, didn’t worry us. At Calga, we turned right for the extra 176 twisties up to Somersby. ‘Tis the season for Waratah (Telopea speciosissima) and, particularly on the road up to Mangrove Mountain, the Telopea speciosissima were resplendent. We stopped at Gerry’s Café for coffee and Portuguese tarts, of the cake variety. Talking of which, did I ever tell you about that woman in Lisbon?

 

Paul Margereson, having recovered from his aquatic thrill, mentioned the Waratahs. Apparently, the police are putting random hidden speed cameras in their fruity red heads. So are the Chinese and the Russians, who are studying escape routes from Sydney in the event of war. Paul garnered this information, apparently, from the website of the Alabama Freedom Fighters (www.alabamaredneck/paranoia.com) which I thought of great interest. If some of these curious Waratah species – described as “the platypus of the botanic world” by a botanist friend of mine – persist beyond their normal flowering season, be afraid. They’re speed traps.

 

The ride to Wollombi is a great ride. Other than we have the great fortune of being able to travel it often due to its proximity, we would put it on our “must do” list. Beyond Kulnara, we enter the bush and the trees and the vista across Yengo National Park. Going at just the right speed – not too fast, not too slow – is thrilling as the forest absorbs you. On this ride, we also had the co-operation of the council, who put a few dirt sections in for those who like that sort of thing. Even the traffic stops were in pleasant places.

 

Lunch was at Wollombi, in the park. Interestingly, 86.42% of the guys on the ride had a prostate issue. That tells you a lot about the demographic. We had a wonderful chat about prostrates and everything from the drugs to treat an enlarged prostate (dutasteride/tamsulosin), having the little fellow washed like lettuce in warm water and peeled to reduce its size, through to extraction and radiation where, I gather, one is placed in stirrups and young ladies microwave it for you. Wearing nappies following the procedure doesn’t seem to be the problem I hitherto thought. Every now and then one or the other would get up and go to the bathroom, and the conversation would start all over again. But eventually, of course, we would all have to piss off!

 

What a great little day. The return was via Sandy Creek Road, where we get to see the magnificent Watagans illuminated at their best from the sun, by this time of the day high but from the west. I turned off at Freeman’s Waterhole. The rest, led by Andy, headed south rather likely I thought to meet the group from Gloucester at Pie in the Sky, to find out what really happens at a “gentleman’s” weekend?

Best regards

Stephen Davies